What Happened that day

too painful to write it twice so I just cut and paste the letter between my and my family,

Dear Mom and Dad,

I can't sleep so I came downstairs and write to you. I kno wit's painful but I believe you would like to know about what I decide to do to Sloppy.

It's been few days that Sloppy had the runs and I thought it was minor problem that sometimes he had different food. So we cut down the dog food portion and gave him some baked toast instead. He's fine and active as usual. But we found he's not even limping but dragging his read legs to do his "business" out side and I know something seriously happened. Since it's not a easy task to move him to the vet clinic so we called in a mobile bet in our area for a regular check-up on Monday. Thanks to Belinda that she was the one who can shared my work load and called the vet for me as I still needed to go to work. The condition of Sloppy was good at his age but the spine problem. It's too complicated for him to go through all the check-ups and exam at his age and the best solution is to give him steroid to easy his pain and get him mobilized again. In the mean time that vet gave him the steroid shot and he also told me to consider to put him to sleep to stop his suffer and pain. I felt numb and didn't know what to do at the moment. I asked the vet to do the blood test to see if there's any disease or cancer so I can have some time to think it over. I did and I talked to other dog lover and vet to firm my final dicision. I would put him to sleep to save his dignity and stop his suffering from pain and shame.

It was rough for me since Monday morning and it was so hard for me to say "I would let him go". I had Belinda to make to call to vet and have him come back here to perform the "action" today. Yes, I would need to let him go. I went to work for few hours in themorning then come back home around 2 p.m. awaiting vet to come and do it. It was the longest wait in my life, even it's longer than those days I spent on the ship......

After I signed the agreement with vet and also wrote the check for all the application and service. I was holding Sloppy's palm and rubbing his head to shift his attention from the injection. It was quick. It only took about 5 second to finish the shot and he went quietly and peacefully. At the whole time, I took off my sunglasses and looked at him straight in the eyes and conformt him from the tention that was formed between me and the vet. He looked quiet and calm after the shot and I was the one crying like a crazy person. We then wrapped him into a clean tarp and put him into vet's van. Sloppy will be cremated and return to me in a week. Sorry Mom that I didn't listen to you because it's painful to let him go alone. I will keep his ash in my place and bring it back to Taiwan if possible. And I will not let him sitting in my garage alone, I will find a good place to put him and tell all my friends about how good he had been........and always been.

As life goes on, I will return to work tomorrow morning and be back on my life again. Please do not worry about me and you two should be happy for Sloppy that he's @ a better place without any pain and suffer. Sloppy will always lives in my heart forever. My wild guess is that he's now staying with uncle in heaven and watching TV together^^

I'd save all the details and I will tell you two again when we meet. I'm really looking forward to see you two again in July.

Dad, the reason I didn't call you because I don't wanna interupt your heavy workload and hopefully you can tell from what I ahve said previously. Sorry.

Mom, please don't be too sad about this and I'm totally fine after few good tears.

I also called Stephen Wen about Sloppy since he's been a very good friend to Sloppy ever since. And I'm so happy to hear Stephen is getting married this September!!! I'll be back for his wedding for sure!!!

Sorry about my limited English and I've gotta get some sleep for work!


Love,
Dean